Noticing the "Other"

I recently visited the Navajo Nation in Arizona as part of a trip organized by Save the Children. The areas we visited were extremely poor and remote. We were told the average family income there was well below $20,000 annually, and the unemployment rate was currently 56%. One of the Save the Children staffers traveling with us told me the landscape in some of the dusty towns we visited reminded her of trips she'd taken to the poorest regions of Africa.

This was a trip connected to my work as a manager; I was traveling with a client who's involved with Save the Children as a supporter and spokesperson. So, naturally, I started to think about what I experienced there and how it related to compassion in the arts.

Of course, having a celebrity publicly bring attention to a cause is a powerful way to make a difference for that cause. And I'm thrilled that we were able to bring attention to the amazing work Save the Children is doing in the Navajo Nation and worldwide.

But how did this visit directly inform what we've been discussing here: compassion, as it relates to work in the arts, and how it helps to create the most extraordinary work possible, the work with the greatest impact, and how it helps to give one the happiest life possible?

In that respect, I was particularly struck by two observations. The first was very simple:

• The families we visited were fundamentally no different from my own. I was profoundly and immediately present to the fact that the parents we visited wanted their children to thrive, the same way I want my children to thrive.

I found this quote from the Dalai Lama:

“Whether people are beautiful and friendly or unattractive and disruptive, ultimately they are human beings, just like oneself. Like oneself, they want happiness and do not want suffering. Furthermore, their right to overcome suffering and be happy is equal to one's own. Now, when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it, you automatically feel empathy and closeness for them. Through accustoming your mind to this sense of universal altruism, you develop a feeling of responsibility for others: the wish to help them actively overcome their problems. Nor is this wish selective; it applies equally to all. As long as they are human beings experiencing pleasure and pain just as you do, there is no logical basis to discriminate between them or to alter your concern for them if they behave negatively..... Because we all share an identical need for love, it is possible to feel that anybody we meet, in whatever circumstances, is a brother or sister. No matter how new the face or how different the dress and behavior, there is no significant division between us and other people. It is foolish to dwell on external differences, because our basic natures are the same."

These people we encountered were beautiful and friendly, but the lives they live are very different from the life I live, and the life I share with my family. And what was clear to me, and present in an extraordinary was was just that: they want what I want. We are the same.

This may seem obvious, but for me, personally, I'm not always 100% aware of this fact. I would venture to guess that's how most of us exist, with occasional flashes of awareness. Here's author and psychologist Daniel Goleman from a recent TED talk:

“The new thinking about compassion from social neuroscience is that our default wiring is to help, that is to say, if we attend the other person we automatically empathize, we automatically feel with them. They're these newly identified neurons, mirror neurons, that act like a neural WiFi, activating in our brain exactly the areas activated in theirs. We feel with automatically. And if that person is in need, if that person is suffering, we're automatically prepared to help.... but then the question is, why don't we? The simple fact is that if we're focused on ourselves, if we're preoccupied as we so often are throughout the day, we don't really fully notice the other.”

We don't really fully notice the other. So by being present to the fact that the people I was meeting were fundamentally no different from my own family, no different from me, I was momentarily shaken out of my fog, and I briefly understood the necessity for compassion. I am often and ordinarily preoccupied, but being in this unique circumstance shifted my awareness. Context is decisive.

Shantideva said, in The Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life:

"When happiness is equally dear to others and myself, then what is so special about me that I strive after happiness for myself alone?"

So how do we create this awareness in our day-to-day lives? This sense of compassion for every living being we encounter? As Goleman says, we're preoccupied, we don't notice it when it's right in front of our faces. How many times has each of us stepped past a homeless person on the street, someone stricken with tears on the subway?

This awareness is exactly what the arts can provide. That each of us is fundamentally the same as each and every human being on the planet, each wanting happiness, each wanting to avoid suffering. And, as Goleman says, this is our natural way of being; we're hardwired to be compassionate. Maybe that's why it feels good, maybe it's a product of evolution, the same way we naturally think puppies and children are cute and we instinctively want to take care of them.

And it's our natural inclination to compassion, to connectedness, to humanity, that attracts us to this work in the arts. When we see work that comes from a place of compassion, we're naturally brought to that awareness, of our essential human "sameness," and it feels good.

To clarify:

1. The arts can break through our usual fog and provide access to our natural tendency towards compassion,
2. We are attracted to work with a foundation in compassion, because it feels right. We share our inherent needs with everyone else on the planet, and seeing that recognized on screen, on stage, or on paper makes us feel with automatically.

The second observation I had on this trip was this:

• There is a cost to inaction.

There have been plenty of times when I've thought, I don't have the time, I'm tired, I'm busy, someone else will do it. And on this trip I saw the direct impact of the work Save the Children was doing, on real kids. Just like my own kids. And this relates to the arts in the same way. We can choose to remain in a fog, and rob the world of the real impact we have to offer. Or we can take on compassion in our lives and careers and make a difference.

This is what I said in an earlier posting, talking about work that was mercenary, uninspired, and bereft of compassion:

"There's a deep cost to the world that comes from this kind of behavior. We're suffering, and we're being deprived of the things that bind us, that show us what we have in common, that give us hope.

And where does that lead us? To a world full of entertainment created by the uninspired. Sure, there are exceptions, but in a world where artists are being told to focus on business strategy, those exceptions are sure to become rarer and rarer."

So here it is, the call to action. Taking on compassion in your work, in the arts or in your daily life, is the key to the most extraordinary career possible, the most extraordinary life possible, it allows you to make the most extraordinary impact possible, and it's the key to the happiest life possible.

Be compassion. Take it on.

Thich Nhat Hanh

"When you begin to understand the suffering of the other person, compassion will arise in you, and the language you use will have the power of healing. Compassion is the only energy that can help us connect with another person."

H. H. The Dalai Lama:

"Ultimately, the reason why love and compassion bring the greatest happiness is simply that our nature cherishes them above all else. The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. It results from the profound interdependence we all share with one another. However capable and skillful an individual may be, left alone, he or she will not survive. However vigorous and independent one may feel during the most prosperous periods of life, when one is sick or very young or very old, one must depend on the support of others...

...It is because our own human existence is so dependent on the help of others that our need for love lies at the very foundation of our existence. Therefore we need a genuine sense of responsibility and a sincere concern for the welfare of others."

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Noticing the "Other"

Why Compassion, and Who the Heck am I to Say Anything About It?

Have you ever watched a character in a film who was nothing like you on the surface, but somehow, you felt like you understood them? Or possibly even more significantly, like they understood you? That there was something in their being that felt totally human, that reminded you of yourself, or a friend, of your family?

Have you ever walked away from a play, or even a TV show, feeling like you understood something differently? That a new point of view that you hadn't previously considered was suddenly as plain as the nose on your face?

I've been working in the entertainment business for close to twenty years, and for many of those years, I was convinced that the business I was in was like any other; it was strategic. You did one thing to achieve another, which led to another, which led to a desired result. An analogy might be that we at SodaCorp repackage our soda in convenient Fridge-Packs™ which would allow the grocers who sell our soda to utilize shelf space more efficiently, and would allow consumers to have a convenient way to store our soda in their refrigerators. We'd have plenty of choices for each consumer's individual taste: regular cola, diet, ginger ale, lemon-lime, even root beer. Something for everyone, each in a convenient Fridge-Pack™ . Consumers would consume more of our product, which would eventually feed back to us as higher profits.

Think about it. An actor comes to Los Angeles or New York, and we, the representatives, the teachers, the casting directors guide them into the right kind of packaging in order to make them the most appealing to the consumers. We guide them to look to the others who have come before them, not as an example of someone who's looked deep into their own heart and found their own, personal path, but as someone to imitate. The windblown hair, the white shiny teeth. The chiseled abs. The casual way they deliver a joke, or how their eyes glisten as they deliver the emotional knock-out blow.

And, for a time, it works. If we package it right, if the goods are of a certain quality to begin with, and there's enough shelf space in that particular section of the market, it flies off the shelves.

For the better part of twenty years, I thought that's how it worked. And apparently, so do a lot of artists. For many, it's all about in order to. I'll do this TV series in order to get the movies I want. I'll do this genre movie in order to be considered for the movies I really want. I'll take this job in order to make the money I need, so that I can do this play in order to be considered a serious actor. I'll try and be more like him in order to get the jobs I want.

I'd spent years strategizing, trying to figure out the “right” next move for each client so that they could someday have what they wanted. And it was working out! I could point to my strategies and see how they'd been productive. If they hadn't worked out, I could point to some unforeseen outside circumstance, something beyond my control that had gotten in the way of my master plan. Of course, I never got full credit in success, because I was never willing to take full responsibility. I couldn't say “do this,” I'd say “it sounds like this is the right choice, based on your feelings and concerns.”

Unknowingly, I was actually exploring a very different territory with my clients, though not with full awareness and therefore not with full power. When I heard them talk about the work to which they were truly drawn, I couldn't help but be touched, moved, inspired, and to support them in their endeavors. It wasn't passive; their passions became mine, and I'd find myself torn between the strategy I thought made sense, and the inspiration I felt in my heart.

Poet and author David Whyte says, in his astounding book The Heart Aroused:

“...if we can see the path ahead laid out for us, there is a good chance it is not our path; it is probably someone else's we have substituted for our own."

I started my company in early 2005, thinking I knew the path laid out ahead of me. But when I was finally in charge, when I could no longer claim I had to live within someone else's worldview, when I realized I was personally responsible for my own point-of-view, I started thinking about what actually inspired me, instead of what I thought should inspire me.

And there it was, right in front of me. Every single artist who truly inspired me, who brought me to tears, who brought me to a new understanding of what it means to be human, who made me laugh, and who inspired me to action, had something in common:

Compassion

My client Tom Hiddleston, about whom who you'll be hearing quite a lot, is quite accomplished with his Latin. Tom says:

"Passion" is from the Latin verb "patior" meaning "to suffer" (participle is "passus" meaning "suffering"). And the "con" part in the preposition meaning "with.” So - literally "suffering with" means taking on another's suffering as your own, a deep kind of understanding and connectedness with another human being. Having compassion for people as a whole, for the whole palette of humanity, all of us with all strengths, weaknesses, our flaws, our nobility and fragility. That's what compassion means to me as an artist. An understanding that no character's suffering or insecurity or weakness or fear or strength is any greater or smaller than my own. ... "patior" has a second meaning in Latin, which is "to allow, "to acquiesce,” "to submit.” So I suppose etymologically "compassion" carries within it an essence of permission, acquiescence, acceptance. Which deepens my understanding of it in terms of having compassion for the characters I play even more.

Another smart guy (H. H. The Dalai Lama) said this:

Whether people are beautiful and friendly or unattractive and disruptive, ultimately they are human beings, just like oneself. Like oneself, they want happiness and do not want suffering. Furthermore, their right to overcome suffering and be happy is equal to one's own. Now, when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it, you automatically feel empathy and closeness for them. Through accustoming your mind to this sense of universal altruism, you develop a feeling of responsibility for others: the wish to help them actively overcome their problems. Nor is this wish selective; it applies equally to all. As long as they are human beings experiencing pleasure and pain just as you do, there is no logical basis to discriminate between them or to alter your concern for them if they behave negatively.

Wow, that's a lot to take on. Here we have an artist's point-of-view, and we have the point-of-view of a religious leader who's spent his entire life studying and meditating on compassion. And it sounds to me like they're coming from the same place.

Except here's what I see, every day:

Dude

Dude, you're a manager?

Me

Yeah, that's right.

Dude

Cool, dude, like in Entourage!

Me

Ummm.... yeah.

That ummmm... yeah is me being judgmental, by the way. Not very compassionate of me, I know! But it's not really a true story, it's one I made up to make a point about what is right now. So I'm being judgmental of an imaginary character. That's ok, right? Ermmmm..... oh yeah. Here's what is:

Every day, I encounter people who see entertainment as mercenary, it's about getting something in order to get what they really want, it's about strategy and business planning. And this comes from a group of people who generally got into it completely inspired, people interested in human connection, creativity, and making an impact in the world.

Naturally, this leads to people in the biz feeling resigned, disappointed, and beaten down. They suffer through their work because they have to, they do work thinking it's what they need to do, and very often and very quickly the inspiration and passion that they'd hoped to have in their careers and lives gets drained away. And anyone even considering getting into the entertainment business is led to think that this is how it works, that entertainment is about anything but compassion, it's about business school, and spreadsheets, and foreign sales value.

There's a deep cost to the world that comes from this kind of behavior. We're suffering, and we're being deprived of the things that bind us, that show us what we have in common, that give us hope.

And where does that lead us? To a world full of entertainment created by the uninspired. Sure, there are exceptions, but in a world where artists are being told to focus on business strategy, those exceptions are sure to become rarer and rarer.

Can you imagine a world where careers full of compassion, inspiration, and creativity were commonplace? And what that might make available in the world?

What I have noticed is pretty simple:

1. Compassion is at the center of every career that truly inspires me.
2. Compassion is the key to the most extraordinary career possible.
3. Compassion is the key to making the most extraordinary impact possible
4. Compassion is the key to the happiest life possible.

Wow! Big leap! Especially #4. I mean, seriously, who the heck am I to make that assertion? I'm just a poor suffering schmuck, but there are much smarter people than me who agree:

Again,The Dalai Lama:

The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes.

And again:

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

Another smart guy, Shantideva, from The Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life.

All those who are unhappy in the world are so as a result of their desire for their own happiness. All those who are happy in the world are so as a result of their desire for the happiness of others.

Oh, you think it's only a Buddhist thing, right?

Thomas Browne Sr.

By compassion we make others' misery our own, and so, by relieving them, we relieve ourselves also.

George Washington Carver

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.

St. Teresa of Avila

Yours are the eyes through which Christ's compassion for the world is to look out.

Albert Schweitzer

It is a man's sympathy with all creatures that truly makes him a man. Until he extends his circle of compassion to all living things, man himself will not find peace.

Mohammed

No man is a true believer unless he desireth for his brother that which he desireth for himself.

Hasidic Proverb

He who feels no compassion will become insane.

And that's the intention of this project, to show how 1, 2, 3 and 4 are possible, and to inspire others to take on compassion as a focal point for their own lives and careers. We'll be seeing video commentary from some amazing people, each with their own personal point-of-view on compassion and how it relates to their work. Along the way we'll be hearing from actors, writers, directors, acting teachers, writing teachers, Zen teachers, educators, people from the nonprofit world, students, and anyone else who has something to say.

I am particularly thrilled to have the participation of Peace Games in this project. Peace Games' mission is to support young people as peacemakers through programs in elementary and middle schools. I have long been impressed with Peace Games' focus on compassion, communication, and activism. Peace Games' students, volunteers, and staff members will participate on our site in a dialogue, responding to the postings on compassion. We'll get to see the direct effect of the videos on young people. The dialogue between members of the Peace Games community who aim to foster compassion in their schools and neighborhoods, and professionals who value compassion in their work, will be an exciting concept around which to build a unique online community.

As a result of this partnership, not only is there an opportunity to inspire our Peace Games community, but an opportunity to reach thousands worldwide and energize them about the value of compassion in their own lives.

Come back to our site for regular updates, videos, essays, and commentary, showing how compassion has made a difference in the lives of our participants, and to get inspired by seeing how it can make a difference in your own life. *

Why Compassion, and Who the Heck am I to Say Anything About It?